New ?

new love - the sky

love the way it makes me relax

love its power of calming me

love the stop sign it shows to my brain

love the way it stares back at me

just love it with million reasons.

Know ?

just got to know 

that i have never tried asking for anything

that i have never expected anything

that i have never shared enough

that i have never wanted to show anyone

that i have never know anyone well enough.

just got to know that i have never trusted anyone 100%

not even myself.

knowing that i have been losing myself

once again

losing my aims and purposes.

it's horrible

horrible to have these losses. 

what a disturbing situation!


disturbing to see an unknown figure

as i look into the reflection, reflected on the truth teller- Mirror. 

don't ask, as i am a passive boat

forced to be floating and going with the flow of the current.

I have lost myself, once again.

  

White ?

watching the white clouds

laying down on the warm green grassland

tranquility and peace.

this white

has thought me to think deep

deeper than usual, on matters.

this white

has the ability to turn into a tedious grey.

makes me wonder

a warm, clean and angelic white

has transformed into a cold, dark and devilish grey

why?

yes, i know by heart now

that even the most saintly colour can be altered 

leave alone a less than normal homo sapien.

however, for it to be purified again

never, is the word.

please take note of your colour.

Realization ?

a moment of time

when everyone around

is occupied with one another

makes her wonder

why isn't she busy or even get hooked in a conversation

just like what she observes.

the same question mingles in her head

seeing others having a whale of time.

there must be an answer to this question, yes.

the normally active and interactive her is missing

no more knowing how to communicate

no more wanting to be involved

no more being noticeable.

finally she realizes

she is no longer the she that she used to be

the one that she wishes to present and marketed to them all

the one that she shapes and perfected for the eyes of millions. 

coincidence has contributed to this very moment

lets her see her real self

this coincidence left her opened up 

open up for change and self reflection.

ironically, it was supposed to happen ages ago.

being late is better than never.  

 

Unsure ?

sometimes it makes me wonder why on earth i'm putting in so much effort.

sometimes i just want to leave everything behind and run away.

sometimes it keeps me doubting.

sometimes i have no idea what i've been chasing after.

sometimes it triggers the anger in me.

sometimes i sink entirely into my balloon.

sometimes it demands to not to be shared or even showed.

maybe all it's dying for and i'm desiring is just to have a sun and beach vacation.