if and what if,

always get me wondering.

if life would be better

what if i have not left.

if everything is fated

what if i took chances.

if there would be anyone left at the end of the day

what if i had just let go.

unpredictability

that's what make life

a life.

things happen for a reason

just like the mother nature

the four seasons

the sunrise and sunset

the life and death

the cause and consequence

the meetings and separations

 

 

 

 

there is always a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

there has been things

 that i have always wanting to do

ironically,

when i set my hands on to it

 a part of it shows me

  that something is not right

that it is not what i have been picturing it would be.

and then

i chose to let go

put my hands on another option

then again,

 i still couldn't be for sure that 

is what i really wanted

is what i really wished for.

all that i am sure of

is to live to the present

and embrace the future.

thought it was over.

thought it was well buried.

thought it would never feel that bad anymore.

thought it could be easily erased.

wrong,

very wrong indeed.

time passed for nothing.

the heartache brought about by the very thought of you

has never been eased nor even lightened.

no matter how hard i try, 

even if it's not you that i'm seeing,

i could not take it.

you are impossible to be erased,

i know from deep down.

i think, stressed.

i think, uneasy.

i think, uncertain.

i think, exhausted. 

i think, suffocating.

i think, getting over it.

i think, oh well, just thinking.

at times,

one could think of

being important to another

being involved

being appreciated.

think again,

as one could just be

a sideline

an unnecessary decoration

a substitution.

within and without.

you know it's summer

when you see a sea of this is growing beautifully.

a year has passed

still missing you.