you have just literally given me a tight slap in my face.
but i thank you for that
for the reality check is much needed.

merci beaucoup!

when inanimate objects fall in love with the owner

anyone can look from a distance
a stranger can look from a distance
what's so special about that?
but to know our scent,
it means something else.
it means we've been close,
closer than anyone else.
i had to say i'm lucky.
but when she doesn't want me,

when she's away,
and it's just her scent with me
i can only feel,

 forgotten.
this, is me

left behind.
am i the stranger now?

 

probably it's just me
probably it's just wrong to even have the thought of it
probably it's just me that's way too weak to admit
probably it's just wrong to even be dreaming about it
probably it's just me that's not giving enough
probably it's just wrong to even receiving that much
probably it's just me going in wrong directions
probably it's just wrong to even start following the misleading signs
probably it's just me that's too insensitive at times
probably it's just wrong to even be sensitive
probably it's just me getting it all wrong
probably it's just wrong to even think that i'm getting anything at all
probably it's just me not trying hard enough
probably it's just wrong to even have tried
probably it's just me taking things too seriously
probably it's just wrong to even see things too minute to care
probably it's just me being myself
probably it's just wrong to even being myself too much at times
probably it's just me holding on too tightly
probably it's just even wrong to even wanting to hold on
probably it's just me   

being sick and tired of the situation.

 

Trust
is like a mirror.
you can fix it,
but you can still see the cracks in the reflection.

cloud has finally cleared up
everything's crystal clear now
time to get over it.
now that what you've been wanting for,
the truth, is totally naked.

though it won't be easy,

never will.

 

 

there is this thing about blogging, it takes loads off me at times.

at times when these loads are not to be shared.

in need of some sunlight,

pretty badly.

Never forget where you come from.

though the world on the other side 

is way more beautiful.

totally hate to be in- between, meeting no ends.
i have no problem if you want to throw it straight into my face, just don't hold onto me while leading me to nowhere else.

for this is not funny.

push me too far and i will not hesitate if the line has to be drawn in the future.

 

a wish,

bless every soul that was/had been/ has been

and most importantly, still is in the course of my life.

thanks for being part of my life

made me the person i am.

twenty two years

and still counting.

love or be loved,

always has been.

if and what if,

always get me wondering.

if life would be better

what if i have not left.

if everything is fated

what if i took chances.

if there would be anyone left at the end of the day

what if i had just let go.

unpredictability

that's what make life

a life.

things happen for a reason

just like the mother nature

the four seasons

the sunrise and sunset

the life and death

the cause and consequence

the meetings and separations

 

 

 

 

there is always a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

there has been things

 that i have always wanting to do

ironically,

when i set my hands on to it

 a part of it shows me

  that something is not right

that it is not what i have been picturing it would be.

and then

i chose to let go

put my hands on another option

then again,

 i still couldn't be for sure that 

is what i really wanted

is what i really wished for.

all that i am sure of

is to live to the present

and embrace the future.

thought it was over.

thought it was well buried.

thought it would never feel that bad anymore.

thought it could be easily erased.

wrong,

very wrong indeed.

time passed for nothing.

the heartache brought about by the very thought of you

has never been eased nor even lightened.

no matter how hard i try, 

even if it's not you that i'm seeing,

i could not take it.

you are impossible to be erased,

i know from deep down.

i think, stressed.

i think, uneasy.

i think, uncertain.

i think, exhausted. 

i think, suffocating.

i think, getting over it.

i think, oh well, just thinking.

at times,

one could think of

being important to another

being involved

being appreciated.

think again,

as one could just be

a sideline

an unnecessary decoration

a substitution.

within and without.

you know it's summer

when you see a sea of this is growing beautifully.

a year has passed

still missing you.

Do not come to me only when you fail to get enough attention.

For this, is disgusting.

melancholic

introverted

me- time

breeze

trees

sky

rays

shine

 stares
thoughts
recharging
melancholic.

 

the best thing in life always comes free

agreed.

but how many of us actually realize

the price, commitment, sacrification

needed in retaining these

so-called "freebies" in life.

countless, measureless.

everything does come with a price

which money is not the only measure to the value.

imagine that you suddenly learned
that the people, the places, the moments
most important to you
are not gone, not dead,
but worse, had never been.

what kind of hell would that be.

-Dr. Rosen-
A Beautiful Mind




 

to fly without reaching the sky,

is like to live without hope.

to swim without reaching the sea,

is like to live without tomorrow.

when the eyes gaze upon the world

through the metal bars,

life becomes meaningless.

to be kept in boundaries

to be kept in captives

to be kept enslaved.

the fallen angel 

helplessly hopeless

wishes for nothing,

but to return to where it belongs

and to live freely.

this seems, now, 

never be possible.

selfish human.

i feel your existence

when the breeze touches my skin

as though you're touching me.

i feel your presence

when the sunshine wraps me up

as though i'm in your arms.

memories will never fade,

not even in time.  
still missing you,
dearly.

Dear Iris,

the colors of which you painted on the arch

bring joy to hearts.

As one crosses the arch

the message of which you wished to send

lift hearts up.

grey,

colouring the atmosphere.

gloom,

filling the room.

how dreadful

how pathetic

how pessimistic.

what's all this?

chin up and move on!

colour me bright

hey, how are you?

it's winter.

it's been six months now

still missing you,

badly.

Speak ?

To speak when you're given a chance is easy,

but words can stab.

2 0 1 3 ?

happy new year.

2013,

a year which i hope it's not a bubble.