how annoying,
that things just remind me of you
things we've done together, to each other, for each other
thought we're meant to be.
memories,
never stop poking the wound
bleeds and hurts every single time
how we used to be, supposed to be, could be
thought we're different.
letting go,
is easier said than done
the smile, the promises, the love
thought we're perfect.
all's done and over,
it's always the heart that has the say.

or it's the love

that's way too blinding,

turning me into

a such softhearted and no- brainer.

there are those whom you can learn from
and, those whom make you learn.

i appreciate the presence of the latter.

beautiful things don't ask for attention.

you have just literally given me a tight slap in my face.
but i thank you for that
for the reality check is much needed.

merci beaucoup!

when inanimate objects fall in love with the owner

anyone can look from a distance
a stranger can look from a distance
what's so special about that?
but to know our scent,
it means something else.
it means we've been close,
closer than anyone else.
i had to say i'm lucky.
but when she doesn't want me,

when she's away,
and it's just her scent with me
i can only feel,

 forgotten.
this, is me

left behind.
am i the stranger now?

 

probably it's just me
probably it's just wrong to even have the thought of it
probably it's just me that's way too weak to admit
probably it's just wrong to even be dreaming about it
probably it's just me that's not giving enough
probably it's just wrong to even receiving that much
probably it's just me going in wrong directions
probably it's just wrong to even start following the misleading signs
probably it's just me that's too insensitive at times
probably it's just wrong to even be sensitive
probably it's just me getting it all wrong
probably it's just wrong to even think that i'm getting anything at all
probably it's just me not trying hard enough
probably it's just wrong to even have tried
probably it's just me taking things too seriously
probably it's just wrong to even see things too minute to care
probably it's just me being myself
probably it's just wrong to even being myself too much at times
probably it's just me holding on too tightly
probably it's just even wrong to even wanting to hold on
probably it's just me   

being sick and tired of the situation.

 

Trust
is like a mirror.
you can fix it,
but you can still see the cracks in the reflection.

cloud has finally cleared up
everything's crystal clear now
time to get over it.
now that what you've been wanting for,
the truth, is totally naked.

though it won't be easy,

never will.

 

 

there is this thing about blogging, it takes loads off me at times.

at times when these loads are not to be shared.

in need of some sunlight,

pretty badly.

Never forget where you come from.

though the world on the other side 

is way more beautiful.

totally hate to be in- between, meeting no ends.
i have no problem if you want to throw it straight into my face, just don't hold onto me while leading me to nowhere else.

for this is not funny.

push me too far and i will not hesitate if the line has to be drawn in the future.

 

a wish,

bless every soul that was/had been/ has been

and most importantly, still is in the course of my life.

thanks for being part of my life

made me the person i am.

twenty two years

and still counting.

love or be loved,

always has been.

if and what if,

always get me wondering.

if life would be better

what if i have not left.

if everything is fated

what if i took chances.

if there would be anyone left at the end of the day

what if i had just let go.

unpredictability

that's what make life

a life.

things happen for a reason

just like the mother nature

the four seasons

the sunrise and sunset

the life and death

the cause and consequence

the meetings and separations

 

 

 

 

there is always a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

there has been things

 that i have always wanting to do

ironically,

when i set my hands on to it

 a part of it shows me

  that something is not right

that it is not what i have been picturing it would be.

and then

i chose to let go

put my hands on another option

then again,

 i still couldn't be for sure that 

is what i really wanted

is what i really wished for.

all that i am sure of

is to live to the present

and embrace the future.

thought it was over.

thought it was well buried.

thought it would never feel that bad anymore.

thought it could be easily erased.

wrong,

very wrong indeed.

time passed for nothing.

the heartache brought about by the very thought of you

has never been eased nor even lightened.

no matter how hard i try, 

even if it's not you that i'm seeing,

i could not take it.

you are impossible to be erased,

i know from deep down.

i think, stressed.

i think, uneasy.

i think, uncertain.

i think, exhausted. 

i think, suffocating.

i think, getting over it.

i think, oh well, just thinking.

at times,

one could think of

being important to another

being involved

being appreciated.

think again,

as one could just be

a sideline

an unnecessary decoration

a substitution.

within and without.